Autumn depression – get clear on your thoughts

The days pass, 

without me doing anything,

 its just routine that I accomplish, but I am stuck with my emotions, 

feeling tired,

 feeling dizzy and you just have to listen to those inner needs

 that let me sleep, eat and go again for the same, 

I just sit and walk to a place and back. 

Makes depressed for so long to do nothing not even finishing any good.

 My hand moves with a pencil between the fingers but what is written has no meaning, 

no intention. 

When the sun comes out sometimes, I glance towards the shine 

smiling because life seem so beautiful then,

 only though I cannot do anything with this beauty, 

like a functioning body without a heart to love- what sense does it make then to live at all? 

I wonder how I can be grateful for every day I get once again a new,

 I see the time and think how much I will use what I have

Only at the end of each day I fall desperately asleep, tears say, 

I am incapable to do anything that gives me sense of purpose 

How can I make a change, when everyday I am bound to duties from around

My mind is empty, my head is too, 

I just feel desire for something to do

It’s hard to work on what inhabits, but time does not give me enough space to live life fully

Though I don’t know where I leave the seconds that I seem to have

Make a plan, I suggest to myself

But there seems to be nothing so intense

What Is valuable to you, what is bothering you 

Like the wish to be just healthy

Not feel pain and emptiness, 

Is this more than allowed to desire? 

With my voice I beg into the night

May the pain be freed 

May love arise

Still, no question answered with what to occupy myself, 

Stupid automatic moves, that shall just make go the time

Not ever do I want to trash my mind with that, 

The second I vow, 

I know that I will have to..