It’s long ago that I have written. That I have actually written only for my own sake. I know this is not a diary but sometimes it feels so liberating to think out loud.
Some weeks ago I have gone through a radical change that might have occurred to each and everyone already. It’s less dramatical than it sounds like but still for me it was something I was not prepared for. I moved out and at the same time read a book about creativity (by the wonderful Will Gompertz) and that creative processes are often nurtured by radical change like a new job, a new school and new place. And so for me many things bumped into one another – I have a new home, I have no school anymore. The new things are floating upon me like an ocean wave, not gently but with the cold harshness of the sea. I found myself phoning around with companies and authorities, writing applications and checking my mails and mail boxes every ten minutes (no exaggeration). The creative part was kind of absent and still I cannot claim that it got any better.
So, what I was thinking of: Do radical changes really change us? My mind immediately catapulted me to the pandemic where people including me all around the world have to deal with radical changes, with their own ocean waves that are filled with worries, money issues and overall insecurity. I have asked out many people who I value and all of them came to the same conclusion. People are not going to change behaviours. We ae stuck in our habits so much that when something changes we want it to reset to the previous setting without even considering whether the „New“ is better. Sometimes it is and sure enough sometimes it is not. Regarding behaviours it is mostly better. We don’t thrive for the worse – No one exclaims „From now on I want to use more plastic and eat junk food only“ Everything else is better than doing nothing or staying at the point where you are. We need a new environment, we need change in every corner and 2020 teaches us more than ever that this year, each day is worth to change for something better. We don’t have to wait for the next 1st January to make resolutions we know we won’t keep anyway.
I know what it means to just talk and say you will change and then you keep on being stuck in that habit pattern. Vows helped me. Only two days ago I looked at the evening sky of red and blue and lilac, said the date out loud and told myself that I will never overeat again. Currently I try to keep my phone and laptop off the one hour before and after sleep. Small things do help. Affirmations help also in times when you know it will be hard or you meet people you need to have that extra portion of kindness and patience. Greeting and letting go of the day helps me.
The radical change that comes to us might not occur to our mind in the first place. We need some time to understand that we are not the ones we have been when we flip through photos or just remember old times. Nostalgia is okay when it has that sweet taste of the excitement for the future. There is so much left to come even for those who think they’re too old. So, now that I have moved over, changed my daily routines like going to school, my mind is still somewhere in between. It is waiting for its moment, when I will be ready to be again, to live again, to enjoy what I have. And I realise that this is what I can do everyday no matter what is on my agenda.