Why you should marry yourself

Every day is unique on its own. Just think about it – even if a day seems to have the same tasks, the same agenda, it is never like yesterday or the day before. Let’s appreciate this for a moment because, how boring life would be if we knew what comes! Sometimes we seem to know what kind of appointments and scenarios we will have. Maybe you are like me and imagine in your head how you will be polite at your parents visit and how you will perform at that special event. You know vaguely how a day will look like until it’s all thrown over.

This feeling of having had it all thrown over, I got to experience in the past days for a couple of times. Just today I woke up with a cold, knowing that I can forget about all the things I set up for today.. The same goes for the day I planned to go to a dance session at a studio but happened to have an injury. Instead I had a pretty nice Sunday and this was completely spontaneous.

Now, was this good? Yes! Being spontaneous is so liberating and fun sometimes but the author and entrepreneur Rolf Dobelli taught me something different. In his book „The Art of The Good Life“ he describes spontaneity as a burden and a mistake we make. It can harm us and block our way to a happy life. Could this be true?

Through being inflexible, we can achieve our goals faster and with better focus because if we decide about certain issues over and over anew, we become fatigue – Dobelli calls it „Decision Fatigue„. Oftentimes it comes that we decide for the most comfortable situation that might not the best decision. Having vows, makes decision making easier – Just think of bright minds like Einstein and Jobs, who always wore the same clothes. It is a commitment to simplify their structure and give their minds the space they need.

What is in your way? What do you have to think about over and over again? For me eating porridge every morning was a simple strategy to not think so much about what to prepare for breakfast. I had this figured out. Now I feel like I need a pause from this routine until I can dive into it again. It’s different with everything. You probably have vows that could seem weird to others but are totally natural for you. For me going to bed when I am tired is a vow I set myself to feel good and fresh the next day. I didn’t think much about, it is a natural decision that benefits me. These are easy examples but when it comes to issues that rely on our consistency we often lack commitment. That is why unconditional commitment is key here. Doing a bit of this and that will not bring you much further. Unconditional love sounds much more convincing than just love, right? It’s about yourself here, so don not make just half a vow, half a commitment, half a love.

With just some examples, Dobelli illustrates that not being spontaneous shows others our consistency, and of course also ourselves. This leads us to perform better at our intentions. At the same time, we present ourselves as people with principles – now, what are your principles? You have some already without even having thought about it, you just have to make conscious vows that will offer you the way. Note: Be careful with the commitments you give yourself because sometimes these could also harm you.

That’s why you should ask yourself – What is my goal? What stops me from achieving it? Why do I have this behaviour or why does this certain situation happen?

Only then you can crystallise a vow that can truly help you.

So, lets arrange vows for your own life because they are not just meant for marriages and if you think so, marry yourself.