Wait a second.. What I don’t get about the virus

Paralysed? Shocked? There is probably no adequate word to describe how I feel currently because most of all I am confused. 

There is a lot going on right now, for everyone on the globe I guess, and it is hard to see any hope. I cannot deny this or even soothe this perspective because there is hardly any optimism left. Most people just feel angry and left alone, which I can completely understand. As if betrayed by the government and punished by the system that we work and live in. 

We speak of an epidemic when one percenatage of the population are infected with a disease. The German Robert Koch Institute updates their data every day and taken Berlin for example, we have about 32 thousand cases (01.11.2020) for a population of around 4 million people. That is not quite one percentage but we have to keep in mind that the number rises exponentially. Therefore, I can understand the caution of the government but there are so many contradictions. So many things I don’t I understand. Why do schools keep working where people sit close by in a room but people have to wear masks outside just because there are people walking around? 

I walked past the Alexanderplatz in Berlin where the police was patrolling in big groups (some wore masks others don’t). A man shouted in a microphone „We are told fake news! Everyone with an intuition and his own thinking brain has to use it and understand that this is virus is not real in its dangers.“

„We want to live but what we truly do right now, is prepare to die without having lived“ 

This sentence stroke me because to some extend it was true what he was claiming. 

It is possible that numbers of cases and deaths are being manipulated or at least exaggerated because not all cases can be traced back to the virus. 

But, it is understandable that the government is being extra cautious to prevent a drastic rise of infections. 

A student from my class said that she is more afraid of the climate crisis than of the pandemic. It has cost more lives and will cost even more than the people having suffered from the virus. 

I am confronted by two sides, two groups of people that keep being convinced by their own point of view. I am skeptical of both sides. It is not right to follow every instruction blindfolded but rejecting every instruction without even thinking, is not the best option either. 

It never stopped being very important to think with your own mind and choose what you want to believe wisely. 

Where does what you know come from?

All the knowledge that you think you have might be traced back to a source – media, parents or friends. We need to understand that we all have different sources and therefore different books of knowledge in our heads. Right now, it is super hard to decide what to believe because flaws and gaps are spread everywhere. We don’t know everything, especially regarding the Coronavirus. So, please don’t believe everything you read on the internet, even when you read the same information several times – copy and paste is not a magical thing. 

My problem is that I want clarity, I want to know what is going on. Why do people deny the existence of a pandemic? Is there anyone profiting from this crisis? Will this ever end? I cannot imagine not wearing a mask or going to the cinema or even attending university. I cannot imagine sitting in the train without a mask.

More, I feel this uncertainty just like everyone else. I have no idea how I am supposed to make plans for my future or any future because we are pushed back every time. We are pitied by our mentors at university but pity doesn’t help me. I want at least a glimpse of hope that I might be able to enjoy my life, use my young years just like other people did before me. 

It feels like a game I don’t know the rules to because they change every month and are adjusted by everyone individually. You don’t get to understand who will be infected. The immune system is very strong and we are affected by all kinds of bacteria and viruses frequently. What kind of criteria decides who is being infected? 

For example, my mum works and has worked throughout the lockdown with contact to people. She takes public transport to work and back but has never showed any symptoms, nor any of her colleagues. Who has to be afraid? No one, because if we were scared of every disease, we would die due to worrying. 

I know it could be worse, it could be far worse. People still going shopping like crazy, posting comments on Instagram and watching Netflix like always. There is a lot going wrong and it sucks that I can’t change anything about it. 

Pinafore_ poem

Lavished heart of yours makes me  shake like the windows in my room when the wind blows  Snow storms announce themselves  I’m blinded by the colour of your eyes and yet I am so calm  when I see you  My picture in your iris and I wonder what you think of me Like I always…


white and dark _ poem

snow was fallingyou didn’t even look backwhile the street lightthrew over the darka kaleidoscope shatteredto our facesI thought we criedbecause of the icecold tears on your face I felt like cryingbecause of the scenerybut nothing I thought I love youbecause of the scenerybut nothing out loudjust the silence of the snow fallinglike me into uncertainty…


restart on repeat

Fell out of bed with the promise to eat better this timeI will stop moaning to drink more coffeeJust like every day every year I vow to myself what I am incapable to keepStanding in line tingling with impatienceDid someone already think of me?Never check the phone first thing in the morning, how good that…