It feels so relieving to turn around the perspective when saying “Oh damn, I have made such a big mistake..” or “Why can’t I do anything right?” Now, I try to tell myself things like “Oh, okay another lesson learned” “This I can add to my mistakes that I hope not to make another time again”
One of those mistakes I hoped to not repeat has occurred just when editing my last post about the pandemic and my evaluation on the social situation.
It was the second time that I have written a blogpost in the editor of wordpress when the internet reloaded and my content erased… I was really at the end of my nerves and surely this happened to everyone in some kind of way.
What to do afterwards?
Well, one time I was so badass that I tried to rewrite everything I had in mind like it was before. Now, the second time I haven’t written chronologically and so it was much harder to recapitulate what kind of words I used and everything. I shut off everything and started writing angrily into my journal. There was no one to blame even if I condemned the internet. It was a mistake I have remade and this felt even worse than making it the first time. But maybe it takes some mistakes to change to the better. Now I will never edit something that is online accessible online. Saving important data like photos and documents only online in a cloud is also not the best choice. I remember how a friend of mine, a musician, told me that his hard drive crashed and he lost all his compositions. (After paying a pretty big sum to an expert he got them back) We rely so much on those digital waves, wifi connections and this parallel universe we have built.
The parallel universe
This brings me to another lesson or rather realization: Until Thursday I didn’t have wifi at home, all the internet came from the hotspot of my phone which was not such a good idea for my battery. Anyway, there came point when this was not enough due to the digital semester beginning and all the lectures that took place via video call. So, my phone was about to die, the city was in lockdown and I biked through the streets to find a free wifi spot. Only then when I didn’t have the ability to connect to all the courses I missed, research I couldn’t do and mails I couldn’t send, I understood that internet has become as important as food and a rooftop. Even if we want to unplug which is really good, we are still connected to this universe. Whether we text a friend or look up a route quickly. This is part of the life we live in this new age.
Never be too naïve
I know people love to tell young women like me that we are just too naïve, we believe too much and cannot make up our own opinions. At least I was told multiple times that I am being naïve which Is also true to some extend. I am still learning that not all people are kind and there are quite many that want to harm you out of no reason. So, my bike got stolen because I left it at a bicycle parking lot, thinking that there won’t come people to steal exactly my bike. I left it overnight, and to everyone I said this I received this painful “UUrgh” as an answer. So, my dears never leave your bike anywhere over night if you haven’t done so already. The world is full of people who want to fool you and I have to manage not falling into the game.
Not alle people should be labeled as bad or harmful though. I am not into extremes, you see. Stating that there are mean people doesn’t lead to thinking there are only bad people.
Because when I was biking around on the hunt for some free wifi, I found a little social institution apart from the main street. The door was unlocked and so I sneaked into their flur. It was cold but I put out my things on a chair right in front of the entrance. Every squeak and sound made me shrug, I heard voices, there must have been people. I could barely concentrate on my work because of fearing to be thrown out. Then the lift started to work and I held my breath. A woman appeared. Smart as I am, I acted as if I don’t see her and it’s the most usual thing for me to sit on the floor and type letters into my laptop.
“You are here for the internet, right?” I nodded. “You can go up to work in a room! It’s at least somewhat warmer there” I was terrified by so much kindness but finally I dared to go up. It was all empty indeed and I had the most silent and productive time.
How to deal with it?
Whatever your “it” might be, for me, writing it done, being clear on your thoughts has heped me with everyday things but also understanding my feelings and current situations. It doesn’t have to be sentences, jotting down what you think right now gets your head clear and keeps you focused.
Do you have those times when a song just doesn’t want to leave your head? I have the same with thoughts or things I wanted to write or do. Writing them down is such a relieve and allows you to remember what you wanted to buy at the grocery store 😉
Some more thoughts in the periphery:
always take enough water in your bottle (I was thinking half filled bottle would be enough)
sometimes it’s okay to not make everything on your own like tahini for example, better think of what is more important to you and how much time you want to invest in which activities
it’s okay to not exercise every day, but staying active is key